


Taking My Time

by mccolfer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, tw: this has some heavy angst but also fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4643811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mccolfer/pseuds/mccolfer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: twenty one pilots-esque au with dan as tyler and phil as josh</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tfw you post a [prompt](http://phanfic.tumblr.com/post/120532066387) on phanfic then you get frustrated that no one is doing it so you do it yourself.
> 
> Okay, let's discuss trigger warnings. Dan is technically supposed depressed in this, but seeing as I've never experienced depression before I'm just kind of writing this and hoping it's not out of character. It's never fully addressed but it's implied that he is/used to be suicidal. When the fic begins, it's after months of recovery. He's getting better, but he still has some self loathing thoughts because it's not easy to shake. 
> 
> Now disclaimers. I don't own Dan and Phil this is merely a fictional story based off of the personas they display publicly. I don't own Twenty One Pilots or any of the music that I feature in this story. Dan obviously has not written any Twenty One Pilots songs.

[_“I think about the end just way too much_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _But it's fun to fantasize_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _On my enemies who wouldn't wish who I was_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _But it's fun to fantasize”_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)

Dan sings the words softly under his breath, trying to find a tune to carry them. It’s harder to do without his piano, or the ukulele he got a couple months ago, or GarageBand. Which are the few instruments he's vaguely proficient at. He can just barely hear what the song could be, but it just doesn’t sound _right_. He can never get his songs to sound perfect. That’s why he never shows them to anyone.

That’s why he’s sitting in a lecture hall writing song lyrics instead of listening to his professor talk about copyright infringement or whatever. Dan has no clue what made him think that law was the right thing for him to major in. He just felt like being a lawyer would make him seem smart and responsible. It’s sure as hell better than deciding to be a starving musician. Or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself. It keeps him sane.

[_“I’ve been thinking too much_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _Help me”_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)

He writes the two lines over and over again, drilling it into the head of the consumer. Who is no one, because like Dan would ever let anyone look at his bullshit poetic lyrics. They’re all stupid anyway.

Dan looks up and finds that everyone is filing out of the room. He blushes before hastily gathering up his crap. Sometimes he’s glad uni isn’t like high school and he doesn’t get yelled at for not paying attention, but sometimes he needs that extra push. He should feel like an asshole for wasting his parents’ money on tuition but he knows he’d be wasting it no matter what. At least this makes them happy, granted it’s blissful ignorance, but they’re happy. At least they get to think he’s going to make something of himself. Even if they’re the only people who do.

He wraps his scarf around his neck, but then he kind of feels like he’s suffocating so he loosens it. Dan pauses to take a breath, now is not the time. He feels his chest seemingly clog up and a lyric he wrote a year ago starts ringing in his head.

[“I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5mE-J1WLk)

He doesn’t need to be reminded of that song. He’s supposed to be better now.

But he’s speed walking back to his dorm and he can’t stop his fingers from playing phantom piano keys, tapping out that all too familiar melody.

[“I want to be known by you”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5mE-J1WLk)

Dan takes an abrupt turn, deciding he can’t handle being cooped up in his tiny dorm room feeling like this. He heads towards the music shop that’s a couple blocks away from his campus instead. He breathes in and out carefully, trying desperately to enjoy the crisp autumn air.

He’s supposed to be better now. The writing is supposed to help him. He tried to ignore it for a while and that’s how he got so fucked up but he’s embracing it now and it’s _supposed_ to make him better.

Dan thinks about his mom and dad back in Wokingham, working diligently to put their failure of a son through university. He thinks about his brother, almost done high school now. He’s going to be so much more than Dan will ever be. If Dan ever is…

Stop.

There’s a familiar clang of the cowbell hung above the door as he enters the music shop. It helps ground him. The store is called Notes, which is pretty lame, but Dan doesn’t know where he’d be right now if it wasn’t for this music shop. _If_ he’d be.

“Hey!”

Dan turns to look at PJ, the manager of the store. He does his best to smile at him, not wanting the other boy to know that Dan’s had a bad day.

The plan fails immediately because PJ’s eyebrows crinkle together under his curly fringe and he asks, “Are you alright?”

Dan takes another deep breath, unnecessarily running his fingers through his hair then fixing it again. “Yeah,” He says, unconvincingly.

PJ looks displeased but he lets his friend get away with it. “Well, I hope you’re not here to finally take the job I’ve been offering you for about a year.”

“Why?” Dan takes the conversation bait gratefully, glad the attention is off of him.

“I’ve got an old friend from uni coming to work for me!”

Dan starts looking at the rack of CDs that is set up in front of the register, trying his best to not sound as disinterested as he feels, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! He’s really cool. I think you’ll like him!” Dan looks up and sees PJ with the most genuine grin on his face and he can’t stop thinking about how he doesn’t deserve a friend like him.

“I’ll be sure to stop by and meet him then.”

“He’ll be here by Wednesday! Promise you’ll come?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Dan agrees, not really meaning it.

PJ grins and nods then turns to grab a box of CDs he needs to restock, understanding that Dan wants some alone time. That’s the best and worst thing about PJ, because sometimes Dan doesn’t know if he should be allowed alone time.

[“Don’t let me be gone”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5mE-J1WLk)

Stopstopstop.

Dan takes a deep breath and walks over to the rap section. Recently he’s taken to listening to a different kind of music because being emo trash was kind of making him not better at all. And he is really trying to be better. Really.

[“I’ll slip away into this sound”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5mE-J1WLk)

He picks up an old Kanye West album. There’s someone Dan aspires to be. A huge asshole that knows he’s an asshole but still manages to love himself. Dan _knows_ he’s a decent person and _still_ can't manage to love himself.

He clutches the album close to his chest as he glances over the rest of the section. He spots the new Kendrick Lamar album that he’s been looking forward to and grins as he picks it up too. He makes his way over to the register to purchase them, satisfied that he’ll be able to stand his cramped dorm room if he’s got these to distract him.

PJ rings him up silently and reminds him to come back and meet his friend when he comes in next Wednesday. Dan gives him an empty smile and a noncommittal nod. He can feel PJ’s disappointed look burning into his back as he walks away. Once he’s outside, he takes another deep breath. At least he can feel his chest start to clear slightly.

[“I’m a goner”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5mE-J1WLk)

Three playthroughs of Kendrick’s album later and Dan is actually feeling pretty good. He grabs his laptop off his bed and places it on his lap, immediately checking his YouTube subscriptions. He can’t help but grin when he sees a new video from his favorite channel.

AmazingPhil, a discovery Dan made about a year ago. Possibly one of the reasons Dan is still… That’s stupid though. To say something like that, about some guy he’s never met. Dan is stupid.

Phil is really great though. He makes these videos where he talks about things, which doesn’t sound all that riveting. He’s really funny and clever. Sometimes he makes these skits that are actually really creative and kind of surreal, but the comments don’t usually agree with Dan. Usually, those videos get less views and Phil’s subscribers call them “weird” or “creepy”. Dan loves them, he hates that Phil stopped making them as much.

Phil also plays the drums, really well actually even though he claims to be clumsy and uncoordinated. His drumming videos also don’t get that many views, but Dan can’t help but love them. Especially his original compositions.

Any kind of video Phil makes always manages to put a smile on Dan’s face, even when he feels like it’s not possible for him to smile ever again. Phil never lets him down.

Today he’s posted a drumming video. Dan clicks on it as quickly as possible, taking in the sight on his laptop screen. Phil’s gotten a haircut since his last video, his fringe shorter and the sides of his hair are shaved short. It looks amazing on him, as usual. Phil always manages to have exactly the hair that Dan wants.

He’s sat behind his drum kit and he waves at the camera with a grin before getting right into the drumming. The title of the video says it’s an “Untitled Original” and Dan is mesmerized by it. He can’t help but want to add more music to it, which is a problem Dan has with all of Phil’s original drum tracks. He can’t steal Phil’s work, but sometimes he wants to so much.

His mind starts adding a piano track to accompany Phil's drumming and soon lyrics start piling up in his head. He grabs his notebook to get them out.

[_"I just wanna stay in the sun where I find_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _I know it's hard sometimes_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _Pieces of peace in sun's peace of mind_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _I know it's hard sometimes"_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)

Phil always inspires him so much. How could this random guy Dan has and will never meet be so good to him. Something about him just makes Dan feel... _alive_. He's been struggling with that lately.

He glances at the time on his laptop screen and sees that it's nearly midnight. He's been replaying Phil's video for hours and scribbling down nonsense lyrics. Dan stretches his arms out with a yawn, satisfied when his shoulder pops slightly. He scrolls down to the comment section to give Phil some feedback.

**love videos like this! you're so talented this made me feel inspired to create something. can't wait for next weeks video**

Dan always makes an effort to be to best fan he can possibly be. He also kind of wants Phil to notice him but he knows it'll never happen.

He yawns again and shuts his laptop, feeling satisfied and actually sleepy for once. It's a nice feeling, one he could get used too. Even if the cause is kind of stupid.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan is having a bad day. Which sucks especially because his week actually hasn't even been that bad. But he woke up this morning and just felt the weight of the world resting on his chest and wrapping around his throat and pounding against his skull.

He decides to skip all his classes, because what's the point in pretending he's worth anything when he knows he's not. He can't stop thinking about the distance from the top of the dorm hall to the ground. A sizable fall really. Could do quite some damage. He thinks about going up to check it out more closely. But he knows he’d never have the balls.

His hair is falling in annoying ugly waves against his forehead. Dan hates it. His ugly stupid hobbit hair. He wants to move to push it away, but his hands don't listen to him.

Across his room, Dan hears his phone ring. He never keeps his ringer on, it's always on vibrate. He doesn't think he's ever heard his phone ring before. It's playing the generic default iPhone ringtone and it makes Dan want to forcibly remove his skin hearing it.

It stops after a minute and Dan sits in almost blissful silence for a moment before it starts up again. He starts to get that feeling of "about to cry" in his chest. It makes him mad, that he's about to cry because his phone is ringing quietly. It stops ringing and then starts again.

He breathes in and holds it, determined not to cry. Dan Howell is _not_ going to cry today.

His phone stops ringing.

He breathes out.

It starts again.

"Ugh! Fucking asshole phone!" He shouts, pulling his body aggressively out of his bed and grabbing his phone off the desk across the room.

He's got four missed calls from PJ.

Dan sighs and rubs a hand over his face, finally pushing his hair off his forehead. Before he can even think about calling back, PJ calls again.

"Hello," Dan answers, trying not to sound too aggravated. PJ doesn't deserve to feel as shitty just because he does.

"Dan! Nice of you to finally answer!" PJ's banter sounds hesitant. Dan forces out a laugh.

"Sorry, I've just been... asleep,"

"Well, I didn't mean to blow up your phone. I just," He chuckles nervously, "I guess I got a little worried when you didn't answer."

Dan is such an asshole.

"I'm fine. I was just asleep." He lies.

"Right," PJ doesn't believe him. But Dan figured he wouldn't. "I just wanted to tell you that my friend started work today! At the shop. And you said you'd come meet him. I think you really should... come."

"Um," Dan can't seem to find it in himself to say no to PJ. "Yeah, um, I just need to like, shower and stuff. But I guess I could stop by."

"Great! Great," PJ exclaims, "Good, okay. I'll see you then! I know you'll love him!"

Dan lets out a weak laugh in response, "Yeah... well-"

"Wait!" PJ interrupts Dan before he can end the call.

"What?"

"I, um, I'm glad you answered the phone. That sounds dumb." He chuckles awkwardly, "Um, I don't know. I'm glad you're still here... y'know?"

"Yeah, I know." Dan whispers, his stomach churns.

"I'll see you in a bit?"

"Yeah,"

Dan waits for PJ to hang up before setting his phone down. He takes a seat on his bed, leaning down to put his head between his legs. He works on leveling his breathing. His head throbs as words fly around in there, forming fast paced lyrics.

He grabs his notebook, scribbling the letters down sloppily. He actually feels his head start to clear a little.

[_“I’d live for you,” and that’s hard to do_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _Even harder to say when you know it's not true_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _Even harder to write when you know that tonight_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _There were people back home who tried talking to you_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _But then you ignored them still_ "](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)

When he's done, he's no longer feeling the stress of his conversation with PJ. But he is thrumming with the energy of his lyrics. He heads to the shower and mumbles to himself under the hot stream.

[_“I’d die for you,” that’s easy to say_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _We have a list of people that we would take_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _A bullet for them, a bullet for you_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _A bullet for everybody in this room_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)   
[ _But I don't seem to see many bullets coming through_ "](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)

By the time he's all cleaned, Dan actually feels like his day is taking a turn for the better. Maybe he'll even be able to finish a song for once. He could steal Phil's drum track and mess with it to fit it too. But that would be wrong. Maybe he could ask Phil? Dan scoffs aloud, like he'd ever answer.

He throws on some random black clothes and his coat then heads out to the music shop, humming a tune he thinks could work for a chorus.

[" _I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride_ "](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)

Dan starts to feel nervous again as he gets closer to the music shop. Why does PJ want him to meet his friend so bad? Is he going to try to set him up?

Stop. He's not going to freak out and ruin everything. He's already wasted most of the day wallowing in his own misery.

Dan walks up to the store and takes a deep breath before opening the door. The cowbell rings and PJ's head shoots up from under the counter.

"Hey, Dan!" He grins then holds up a finger, "Hold on," then he ducks down below the counter again.

Dan approaches his friend, looking around for a new face. He can't see anyone else here.

"Sorry," PJ says with a laugh as he finally stands up straight. He and Dan look at each other silently for a moment before, "Oh! Uh,"

PJ grins widely and Dan just scrunches up his face in confusion in return.

Then PJ is calling out in the direction of the back room. "Phil! Come out here!"

Phil? Like...

Dan feels his stomach churning once more when _actual_ AmazingPhil walks out of the back room of PJ's music shop. Dan's heart has legitimately dropped into his stomach.

"Hi!" Phil says, lifting up a hand and smiling brightly with his endearingly crooked teeth. He's even more gorgeous in 3D and HD. All pale skin and dark black hair with the slightest bit of brown roots peeking through. His eyes are clear blue and he's way taller than Dan expected.

All Dan can seem to say is, "Phil," which just makes Phil's friendly expression turn bemused.

"Um, yeah," He glances at PJ who is trying to hold back laughter, "Did, um, did PJ tell you my name?"

"No, y-you're," Dan sputters awkwardly, he can feel his face getting redder and redder. "You're AmazingPhil." He finally gets out.

Phil's friendly expression comes back, even happier than before, "You watch my videos!"

"Yeah," Dan doesn't think his blush could get any deeper, but then Phil surges forward and envelops Dan into his arms.

At first Dan is shocked, but he can't help but melt into the warm embrace of his idol. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he rests his chin on Phil's shoulder, slowly wrapping his own arms around Phil's waist.

PJ is snickering to himself when the two break apart. This time, Phil is blushing as well.

"Sorry!" He says immediately, "I should have asked for permission or something before just attacking you with affection! It's just really cool to meet a subscriber, especially because I don't have that many."

"They don't appreciate you enough." Dan says, the hug flustering him to the point where he no longer filtered his thoughts, "No one does. You're so talented. Every video you put out is quality."

"I wouldn't say _that_." Phil replies humbly with an awkward laugh, "My drumming videos are pretty shit, they get the least amount of views. But thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Your drumming videos are the _best_ videos!"

Phil grins, "You think so?"

"They inspire so many of my..." Dan's filter finally starts coming back and he feels himself slinking back behind his wall that constantly surrounds him.

"Your what?" Phil asks, now confused again.

Dan looks down at his shoes, "Nothing, it's stupid."

"I'm _sure_ it isn't!"

"How could you know that? You don't know me." Dan lashes out, but his voice remains quiet.

"Well, you're subscribed to _me_ , so you must be a _genius_."

Dan scoffs, looking up and meeting Phil's eyes again, "That's rich coming from the guy who just tried to insult himself to a person who's a fan of his work."

Phil laughs brightly and it reminds Dan of his lowkey crush he's always had on the boy in front of him. He never thought he'd actually be confronted with his favorite YouTuber in real life. So, what the hell is wrong with taking a risk every once in a while?

"Your drumming videos inspire a lot of my songs."

Phil's eyes have a certain twinkle in them from getting Dan to give up a bit of himself. "You write songs? Are you a musician?"

Dan snorts, "As if. Not with my shitty attempt at meaningful poetic lyrics. Not to mention my mediocre voice and GarageBand skills."

"Excuse you," PJ butts into the conversation finally. It's a record how long he managed to stay out of it really. "Dan actually has a _great_ voice and he's _fantastic_ on the piano along with his admittedly mediocre GarageBand skills _and_ he's learning the ukulele."

"Okay, thanks _mum_." Dan replies with an eyeroll, lightly pushing PJ away from Phil. "Don't you have work to do?"

"Technically Phil does too."

"Oh, shit, you do!" Dan blushes again, shooing Phil away, "Go on, get back to work. I'm not gonna be the reason you get fired."

Phil pouts, "Only if you promise to let me hear one of those songs I inspired."

"Don't be stupid," Dan mumbles, "you don't want to hear my crappy music."

"Of course I do!" Phil smiles. He lifts a hand as if he's going to clap Dan's shoulder, but then decides against it, resting it on the counter instead. "Besides, if I inspired them I have the right to hear them, don't I?"

Shit, he has a point.

Phil must recognize the anxiety on Dan's face, "Hey, how about you promise to show one to me _one day_. It doesn't have to be right away. I'll do whatever I can to gain to right to hear it."

Dan can't help the smile that creeps onto his face. He can feel his stupid dimple indenting and he knows all his teeth are on display. He hides his face in his hands, looking down once more.

It's been so long since he's smiled like that.

"Okay," He says, looking up at Phil again, "I promise."


	3. Chapter 3

“Please, Dan,”

“No.”

“I can’t believe I have to _beg_ you to hang out with the dude whose videos you watch every day!”

Dan huffs, rolling his eyes at his friend, even though PJ can’t see him.

“Don’t think you can just roll your eyes at me because we’re on the phone and I can’t see you!”

“Look, Peej, you just… you don’t understand.”

Dan has been trying to convince him for the past ten minutes that he just doesn’t _understand_.

“What is there to understand?” PJ was clearly trying to keep his patience but it doesn’t last forever. “You’ve had a huge crush on Phil for nearly a year and now he’s here and he wants to be your friend. What could be wrong with that?”

“There’s so many things, PJ!”

What if Phil is secretly an asshole who likes to take advantage of his fans? What if he’s just trying to save face and make sure Dan doesn’t stop watching his videos? Or worse, what if he’s actually as nice as he seems? What if Phil is just taking pity on him because he can tell Dan is pathetic? What if everything works out at first but then something goes wrong and they have a falling out then Dan loses one of the few things that makes him happy?

“Dan? Dan! Calm down!” PJ’s voice sounds distant in Dan’s ear, “Dude, I can hear your breathing! Stop freaking out. Do you need me to come over?”

“No!” Dan answers too quickly, trying to regulate his heart rate again. “Just -- no. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so…”

“Trust me.”

“Fine, just. Please just think about it, okay? Just, Phil just moved here from Manchester and he doesn’t know anyone but me and he said he thinks you seem cool. It doesn’t have to be anything too intense. He just wants to be your friend. I’m sorry for assuming you’d be all for it.”

“Ugh,” Dan rubbed a hand roughly over his face, “it’s not your fault, Peej. You’re just looking out for me, and I appreciate it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

PJ laughs lightly, “Yeah, I don’t know what you’d do either.”

“Look, I promise I’ll think about it, okay?”

“If that’s as good as I’m gonna get.”

“It is.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I guess,”

“Cool, bye,”

Dan looks at his phone and waits for PJ to hang up first, before chucking the device so that it lands on his bed. He’s not about to break his phone just because he’s feeling a little moody. Sometimes Dan wishes PJ could just see the world through his eyes. Then he remembers how he sees the world and he’s grateful that PJ doesn’t have to suffer through that.

Eager for something to take his mind off the situation at hand, Dan opens up a notebook to study for an upcoming test that he wishes he gave a shit about.

He flips through it for a bit when he gets distracted by the lyrics he wrote in the margins and meant to transfer over to his songwriting notebook and never did.

[“ _Where we're from there's no sun_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJtlLzsDICo)   
[ _Where we're from we're no one  
__Our hometown's in the dark_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJtlLzsDICo)

[“ _I wanted to be a better brother better son_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiPBQJq49xk)   
[ _Wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done  
__I have none to show to the one I love but denial_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiPBQJq49xk)

[“ _You don't know my brain the way you know my name  
__You don't know my heart the way you know my face_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE_54CU7Fxk)

Dan grimaces at some of them, not really remembering where his head was at when he wrote them. His notes aren’t even dated, if you could even call them notes. He really needs to start paying attention in class. Especially if these fake deep lyrics are the only thing he can pull out of his ass.

One couplet is surrounded by stars that were clearly traced over and over again. Dan trying to remind himself that’s very important that these lyrics get transferred to the correct notebook. To no avail apparently, it must have been a bad day.

[“ _I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)   
[ _But now I'm insecure and I care what people think_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)

He kind of likes that though. He tries to remember the tune that he had put them to whenever he wrote it. But all he can think of is a drum beat.

So much for not thinking about Phil.

Dan’s memory starts to piece together. It was just a couple weeks after Dan started getting into rap and Phil’s drumming video that day really inspired him to try out a more hip hop sound. Needless to say, he gave up on it pretty quickly.

But he feels somewhat better about it now. Dan was weaker then, but he’s getting better. The bits and pieces of lyrics he wrote for that song were solid.

He grabs his songwriting notebook off his desk and opens it delicately. He’s had it for a while now, it’s nearly full and falling apart. He’ll need a new one soon, but that’s not what’s important right now. He flips to some earlier pages, but not too early. Dan doesn’t need to revisit the first half of his songwriting notebook. There’s a reason why he’s getting better now.

[“ _Wish we could turn back time to the good old days  
__When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)

[“ _We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)   
[ _Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)

[" _Wake up you need to make money!!_ "](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)

[“ _Out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the latter_ ”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY)

He grabs a pen and writes down the couplet he found in his other notebook, then grabs his laptop. Dan sighs when he signs in and the only tab open is Phil’s YouTube page. It’s even worse because that’s where he’s going anyway.

He clicks on the playlist tab and then on Phil’s “Drum Videos!” playlist. He scrolls through, trying to remember which one contains the beat he’s thinking of.

Then he finds “Stressed Out” and he can’t help but roll his eyes at himself. Looks like Phil provided a lot more inspiration than just the beat.

Dan clicks it and finds that it is in fact the beat for his song. He sighs once more as he writes “Stressed Out” across the top of the page of his notebook.

He takes a second to look at Phil drumming on his screen. His black fringe is falling messily into his eyes, but he doesn’t seem to mind. There’s a mixture of concentration and just pure joy on his pale face. It makes Dan smile. Phil _always_ makes Dan smile.

Then Dan remembers how Phil is an actual real human in his life now. Maybe a permanent feature, seeing as he and PJ seem to be close. It makes Dan’s heart clench in a weird way, butterflies filling his tummy and making him feel so much younger than he is.

Dan’s never considered that Phil would ever be in his life without a computer screen between them and he doesn’t know how to process it. He doesn’t think he could handle it if Phil were to reject him, so it’s ultimately better to just stay away from him… right?

The drumming coming from Dan’s laptop speakers stops. Dan looks up to watch as Phil pushes his sweaty fringe back against his head, only for it to attempt to flop back in place, making him look fully disheveled. Then he grins widely and gives the camera a thumbs up right before the screen cuts to black.

“Shit,” Dan mumbles to himself, putting his head in his hands. “shitshitshit…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nice

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the few times I'm attempting a WIP. I'm hoping that posting it will encourage me to write it more. No promises, but I will try my best to finish what I started.


End file.
